There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
