Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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