i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
