I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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