I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
