he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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