Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
