i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
