You're my little dorito
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
