There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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