I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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