Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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