Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
