there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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