Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He did a backflip because drugs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
