He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
