girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
