Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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