tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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