Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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