mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
