yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
