I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
