meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
