so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
