Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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