grandma shit on top of the toilet
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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