He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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