What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
