Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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