Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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