I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
