Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
