just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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