I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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