i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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