Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
