you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
