dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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