somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
