He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My pussy is not your playground.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
