at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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