its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
