There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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