I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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