well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And then he peed in my hair
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