fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
