Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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