I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
