thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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