he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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