I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize