That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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