The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
