yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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