im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
