Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
