your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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