Having a random hookup so left but love u
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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