Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize