When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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