I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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