I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
