he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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