youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
