Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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