Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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