; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
