I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
