hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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