He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
