im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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