Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
