Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
